We all have that one friend who comes out of every exam, despite how long she studied, throws up her hands and says….
“Well, thats it, might as well just drop out and sell fruit on the corner for the rest of my life because I ffaaaiiillleeddd that exam.”
You always respond with an eye-roll, a scoff, and then proceed to explain, very clearly, as you have a million times before, that she, of course, did not fail and that she will just have to wait and see her grade. She tries your patience and honestly gives you a headache.
I am that friend.
I think I do it because I fear failure so much. Not necessarily the grade “F” (I am proud to say the last F I got was on a third grade spelling test), but instead just doing worse than I wanted. Not living up to my expectations. Being less than great.
My fear of failure is not a fear of getting a bunch of questions wrong, but instead a fear of being disappointed in myself. My friends always asked if my parents freaked out about my grades/activities/life choices and I always replied that they didn’t have to. I was crazy enough for the all of us. I am constantly (along with what I would say is a majority of my peers) striving for perfection, and anything less is a disappointment. A failure.
And I recently realized that this will DOOM me to a lifetime of failure. If being perfect is succeeding then I will have many long disappointing years ahead of me because perfection is, not only subjective, but also nearly impossible. Expecting constant perfection will get me early female balding and an ulcer, not success. Success can come from all of the ugly missteps and mistakes that is prohibited by perfection. Success can come from failure, be born out of it.
Failure does not mean disappointment or embarrassment, it means growth. The chance to be better. The change to learn.
